The Friend You Manage
Preparing to correct a friend's work, after you've become the one who reviews it.
Before You Start
- The friendship and the role are not competing for the same seat.
- A precise note is a form of respect, not an attack.
- You don't need an apology to make the correction land kindly.
Name the Change
One sentence that puts the new shape on the table, without over-explaining:
What I'm afraid this correction will cost the friendship:
What's actually true, even if it feels awkward to say:
What Makes This Hard To Say?
- I'm afraid it'll feel like I'm playing boss
- I'm afraid the friendship will feel different after this
- I don't want to sound like I'm reciting a memo
- I'm worried she'll test whether I still like her
- Something else:
Say the Correction At Its Real Size
Not vague, not apologetic — specific enough that she can act on it.
Try An Opening Sentence
- “Before we get into lunch, there's actually one thing I want to flag.”
- “I know this is new for both of us — I still have to say this part plainly.”
- “This isn't about junior or senior. It's about this part being right before Thursday.”
If She Reaches For The Friendship
- “It's not about junior or senior — this part still stands.”
- “I'm not choosing manager over friend. Both are true.”
- “I hear that. The fix still needs to happen.”
- “I'm not apologizing for having a job to do.”
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