Don't Help Me
When someone you love is hurting and pushing your help away, and you have to choose closeness over control.
Before You Start
- Their pulling away isn't them pushing you away.
- Letting them do it themselves is a kind of respect.
- You can stay close without taking over.
What's Happening For You Right Now?
What I do when I see them struggle:
What I'm afraid will happen if I don't step in:
What they might need that isn't my help:
What Makes This Hard
- Watching them struggle is painful
- I feel useless if I'm not doing something
- I'm scared they'll hurt themselves
- Backing off feels like I don't care
- Something else:
What Matters Most
Not fixing it for them — what do I most want to protect for them?
Something To Open With
- “Okay. I'm right behind you if you want me.”
- “(Set a glass of water down near them — no comment.)”
- “Yeah. That sucks.”
When It Gets Difficult
- “Okay.”
- “We don't have to keep doing this right now.”
- “Did I push too much?”
- “I'm right here if you want me.”
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